Growing Old--the good the bad and the ugly

Last weekend I took a long car trip to Colorado with my daughter Annett, my two granddaughters Corina and Addie, and my three-month old great-grandson Gabriel.  It was an interesting as well as an enlightening experience. 

I have always been in fairly good health until the last couple of years when I developed neuropathy.  I don’t know if it was caused by my two knee replacements or is just a part of the aging process.  Anyway, some of the symptoms are numbness and burning with alternating freezing in the feet and lower part of the leg.  This causes loss of balance and coordination in walking.  But on a long car trip, the worst problem is swelling of the feet and ankles.

We were so excited to get to Castle Rock to see Julie, Mike, Logan and Dylan when we arrived sometime after 11 pm at night.  The first thing I noticed was that I could hardly walk because my feet were swelled up and it was difficult just to hobble up the one stair and into the house.  Dylan held on to me for balance.  The next day, Julie and the girls planned a trip to Denver (which Corina has detailed on her blog with stops and shopping all over town).  I knew better than to be on my feet all day so I stayed home with the boys and Gabriel.  I read my Kindle book and slept lots after getting only a scant four hours of sleep the night before.  I knew the next day on Saturday would be a fun day and I wanted to be part of it. 

So, what has all this got to do with growing old?  Well, everything!  Saturday was a fun day.  Julie is the queen of “thrifting” which is shopping at thrift stores around Denver.  She has been doing it for a number of years and is a pro.  We were lucky as two out of the three places we shopped were having 50% off sales.  Julie and Annett went crazy shopping for bargains and each spent over $100 (or so) getting all kinds of “new” clothes for themselves as well as for Corina and Addie.  Even the boys and Gabriel benefited with some of their found loot.  It was so much fun.  I bought some glass including two red Avon pieces, two hand-painted vases, and I added to my little cordial glass collection with four new patterns.  I found a brown skirt and a black top with silver trim on the bottom.  We lunched at Panera, the same place where we ate with Wally the day before he died in his sleep sometime shortly after midnight on April 26, 2003.  All in all it was the marathon that I knew it would be.

While we were in the car, Julie had the music on and once again, it was evident that I didn’t understand anything about modern music.  The songs seemed not to make any sense and I couldn’t understand the words.  It made me long for the songs of the ‘40’s when my sister Joyce bought sheet music and played it on the piano while we all sang along.  I know not understanding modern music has lots to do with my hearing.  Growing old makes hearing difficult and if you think hearing aids will solve your hearing problem, think again.  It doesn’t.  In fact, sometimes it just amplifies the background noise.  However, without them I can’t hear any normal conversation, especially when the grand-kids talk.  Losing hearing is part of aging, but it is a lonely and isolating condition that becomes a problem to both the speaker and the listener.

Sunday was truly a day of rest for the aging body.   We had some stimulating conversation and played a word game which was hard for me.  I have had to wear glasses since I ruined my eyes making porcelain dolls in the early 1980’s. The doll’s face painting was so tedious with every eyelash and eyebrow hair having to be painted individually. After using “Walgreen's” glasses for many years, I spent precious money and opted for custom progressive lens glasses.  I made a mistake and had my eyes tested at Costco and then took the prescription to a discount place in Salt Lake.  Well, the glasses are unusable.  I didn’t get the glare coating for an extra $70. The lenses have so much glare and are not strong enough to read with.  However, the prescription glasses do help when watching TV in the bedroom.  But, one thing that has changed my life is getting my new 48” TV.  I can actually see it sitting in my chair in the living room.  How lucky we are to have these new big-screen television sets.  I record all my programs and don’t have to watch any commercials.  And, I can watch anything I want to.  That’s one benefit of growing old.  You don’t have to please anyone else.  The freedom to live as I like is a most precious blessing.  It makes up for some of the losses of growing old.

Monday, I packed my suitcase and my clothes bag for Annett to take down the stairs and put them in the car.  And since this is about the good, the bad and the ugly of growing old, the ugly includes the aging face and body.  Getting ready for the trip, I “fixed my face” so as not to scare the rest of those who were riding in the car with me.  I have worn make-up since I was twelve years old.  For some reason, my eyebrows have always been sparse.  I learned early that I had to use an eyebrow pencil if I wanted eyebrows.  I always used a liquid foundation make-up and over the years I have developed a routine of “fixing my face.”  Growing old has made it much harder to cope with the skin wrinkles, under eye swelling, sparse eyelashes, and less-than-perfect lips.  It is a struggle every time I wear make-up to get it on so it doesn’t crease, rub off, smear, glob in the corner of my eyes, or generally look terrible.  The good is that I thank the Lord for nice skin.  My mother taught me to clean my skin every night before bed and I don’t think I have missed doing that my entire life.  Mother had nice skin because she took care of it and she taught me to do the same.  Bless her. 

I don’t think I need to discuss the aging body shape; it is such a problem of my own making.  I repent every day, but repeat the sin which is the definition of insanity.

Speaking of insanity—growing old gives one a perspective on life.  It becomes easier to be happy even though I forgot to pick up my clothes bag that was left on the bed at Julie's.  Both Corina and I forgot our phone chargers, so that was the first trip back to Castle Rock.  When the bag was discovered missing we were already in the mountains and had to turn around and return to Denver where we met Julie’s good friend Sarah at IKEA and had their free breakfast.  So, having a senior forgetful moment actually turned into a good thing.

 In fact, happiness and good things are found everywhere.  I enjoy reading the scriptures, I enjoy my TV shows, I enjoy reading books on my Kindle, I enjoy listening to talk radio, I enjoy collecting my glass trays, I enjoy exercising on my Aero-fit.  I have so much to be thankful for.  I miss talking to someone on a regular basis although I talk to my sister, Beth, often on the phone.  I miss the companionship and support of my husband, but I’m thankful he is in a better place free of pain.  I miss close friendships but my visiting and home teachers are near and appreciated.  I still think about my passion of decorating and I can still paint and refinish furniture—it just takes a little more time.

So, if I were to summarize growing old, I would say the good is the freedom to do whatever you desire without guilt; the bad is the problems of health and diminishing hearing and eyesight; the ugly is the literal aging of the face and body. 

I keep thinking about and remembering Robert Browning’s poem “Rabbi Ben Ezra:”

GROW old along with me!
The best is yet to be,
The last of life, for which the first was made:
Our times are in his hand
Who saith, “A whole I planned,
Youth shows but half; trust God: see all, nor be afraid!”

An analysis of this verse concludes, “Rabbi Ben Ezra declares that old age is the best period of one's life. Old age is intended to complete the life of man. Human destiny is in the hands of God who planned a whole design of which the period of youth is only a portion. The Rabbi calls upon us to trust God, to acquire an experience of the whole of life (including old age), and not to feel afraid.”

And the last line of this lengthy poem states:

“Let age approve of youth, and death complete the same!”
Internet: Rabbi Ben Ezra analysis)

(http://www.b-.ac.in/sde_book/ma_lit2.pdf) BHARATHIAR UNIVERSITY
DISTANCE EDUCATION –M.A.ENGLISH LITERATURE –STUDY MATERIAL.
PAPER. II.BRITISH LITERATURE.II (ROMANTIC AGE TO MODERN PERIOD)